I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Ketchup is God's man juice
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
