I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize