I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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