I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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