Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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