i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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