i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
