His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Those nachos came to me in a dream
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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