Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
