you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
