oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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