Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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