bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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