would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Randomize
