This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Randomize
