I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
