Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
