Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
