Having a random hookup so left but love u
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
