Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
