i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
