my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
