I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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