I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
i drank out of a bidet.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
