my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
