Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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