All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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