Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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