I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
