sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
operation have a gay friend backfired
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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