I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Randomize
