Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
