Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
