I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
