i jhust puked up my retainher.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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