I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
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