even my farts smell like vagina
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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