my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
