Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
