she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
