I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize