all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
