I accidentally burped into my bong.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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