I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
