I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
