I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize