TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I deserve this hangover.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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