I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
tequila makes me forget i have legs
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
