i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
