I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
