it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
