For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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