so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
