I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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