how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
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