I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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