I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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