just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
