There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
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