No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
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