it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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