Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize