For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I think i got beer on your cat.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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