You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Randomize
