Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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