for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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