is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Just high enough for therapy.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Randomize
