dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
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