His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
