I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
