he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
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