Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
