it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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