The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
