I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize