to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
