I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
