So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
