He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
