Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
