his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
