maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
