so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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