I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
