where am i from again
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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