Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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