she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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