why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
It's official drugs can't kill me
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Randomize
