I need help removing her.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
