No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
