Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
