we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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