I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
is wine microwaveable?
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
