If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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