so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
