mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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