Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
