I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Terrible idea I love it
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
