Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
