Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
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