are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
The air was thick with penises
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
