I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
