i always forget guys have bellybuttons
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I did not marry a roomba.
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