I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
