Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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