I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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