Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Randomize
