mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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