i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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